Bum Reviews: Rise of the Guardians
by cornholio4
Summary: Chester A. Bum reviews this newest Dreamworks animated film!


**I saw the movie and i decided to do this! Using the format Villain84 used in his Bum Review of Ice Age 4!**

**It's now time for Bum Reviews**

**With Chester A. Bum**

**Tonight's Review:**

**Rise of the Guardians**

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

Do you believe in...SPOILERS!

There's this group called the Guardians...not the Guardians from the Green Lanterns this superhero like team of children's fantasy!

Their members are a Russian Santa Claus, a Wolverine Easter Bunny who has an Australian accent, the Sandman, the Tooth Fairy (don't worry no Rock here) and the Sandman!

They have these globes that teleports them! Kind of like the Tesseract mixed in with a snow globes!

Santa is like "the man in the moon has called to us!"

They are like "You mean Nightmare Moon..."

"No not Mare in the Moon! The Man in the Moon, yeah he's basically our Nick Fury! So anyway the Boogeyman is back!"

"You mean that former wrestler who had the worms in his mouth?"

"No this cross between Dracula, Parallax, those Twilight vampires and Loki who's come to spread fear and get revenge on us...though he wasn't imprisoned so he had no reason to wait this long!"

So the Man in the Moon tells us "You need Jack Frost to join the team!"

"You mean the Michael Keaton snowman?"

"No this snowy kid who looks like Justin Bieber!"

So they kidnap Jack Frost who says "why should I join you!"

"We will help you get your memories back!"

"Deal!"

So we see the Boogeyman watching a girl sleep...hey Boogeyman, Edward Cullen called...he wants his methods back!

So he watches her dream about riding a unicorn...I rode on a unicorn once...I was thrown off and I can never go back to Equestria!

So in a battle the Boogeyman kills Sandman off! The Boogeyman is like "nothing can stop my very unclear plan of making children afraid of me!"

There's also this little boy who gets teased about believing in the fantasies! He also has this weird skinny dog...seriously I thought I was on drugs when I saw the thing!

Soon Jack finds Boogeyman whose like "join me as I give my backstory of wanting to be believed in so the audience will feel sorry for me!"

Jack is like "it would work better if you used the backstory form the books, the one about you having a daughter!"

"I know!"

So anyway Boogeyman gives him his memories which are stored in his old teeth...okay!

He goes back and sees he had screwed up since kids have stopped believing in the Easter Bunny making him invisible to the children!

Russian Santa is like "kid you screwed up!"

So jack almost gives up hope and looks into his memories and is like "wow I died saving my sister! Somehow this gives me my hope back!"

Boogeyman is like "rats that kid with the weird dog is the only one who still believes!"

So Jack finds him and the kids is like "I can see you!"

And Jack is like "you can see me?"

"Yeah and you look like the kid singer who the teenage girls swoon over!"

So the Guardians band together and the kids join them and they say "we are not afraid of you Boogeyman!"

"I don't see how you can stop my fear powers since you are not Green Lanterns" says Boogeyman!

Then Sandman comes back to life somehow, hey it's a non Disney kids cartoon movie when a hero dies they have to come back!

"What about the frog king in Shrek?"

Shut up, here is the guy who helped make Spiderman 3 awesome! So anyway the Guardians and the Kids defeat Boogeyman!

Boogeyman is like "I will return, seriously in this day and age if a kid's animated movie makes a lot of money a sequel will be coming!"

But Boogeyman gets sent away by his own fears and is like "hey I can control fears except my own? How does that work!"

So the day is saved! So this movie was like you put the Expendables, all the folk tales and the Avengers in a blender! Hey can someone give me a blender? I sold it to buy myself a new box to live in!

This is Chester A. Bum saying...CHANGE YOU GOT CHANGE COME ON HELP A GUY OUT, WILL YA? COME ON CHANGE?

**Seriously Rise of the Guardians was a fun movie!**

Does anyone else have the desire of writing a Tooth Fairy/ Jack Frost ship fic?


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